Eggs Scrambled with Carmelized Onions, Sage, and Parmesan

For the last four years of my life, I ate eggs for dinner at least two or three times a week (not counting the times I broke one into a bowl of ramen for protein's sake). My omelettes would fall apart easily. Scrambled eggs never had the right texture and would sometimes make me nauseous. I tried hard-boiling eggs once, with some very unsexy results. Same with poached eggs. Oh hell, I'm still mortified of poaching eggs... the one time I tried I got some nasty vinegary approximation of egg drop soup. Ugh.

However, the Donger can FRY SHIT. I am very good at frying shit. Including eggs. It's hard to go wrong with eggs and copious amounts of butter (though I sometimes do... broken yolks galore). Fried eggs and vegan sausage patties three nights a week apparently do a body well, as this is what I ate while training for bike races, triathlons, and mountaineering trips.

Needless to say, I got pretty burnt out on eggs a few months ago.

Anyhow, I was planning on making ratatouille tonight, but I was missing basil so I scrapped the idea. I did, however, have eight eggs that were due to expire yesterday, two onions about to make scary sprouts, and a box of sage that inexplicably isn't turning brown (I've had it for more than three weeks). I also have a block of parmesan that I purchased specifically for the rind to make butternut squash soup. I consulted The Joy of Cookingto make sure I didn't fuck up these eggs, and was on my way.

I love carmelizing onions. It is the best way to get rid of a pile of onions that are about to go bad. You can keep the carmelized onions in your fridge for other uses throughout the week. You can go do other things while the onions are carmelizing, like put away dishes, chop up sage to put in your eggs, frolic with your dog to cheesy eurodance music, and grate parmesan.

Now, grating parmesan doesn't sound like it should be hard, but I have the shittiest grater in the world. It's actually not bad for cheese, but I almost took skin off my finger in a very new and exciting way while trying to grate potatoes with it. I am terrified of my grater.



Besides the imminent physical dangers it provides, it grates stuff everywhere. I think Kitchenaid actually stopped making it because I can't find it for sale anymore. Ralphy-dog got all the cheese that missed the bowl. He likes the shitty grater.

About 45 minutes after I started carmelizing the onions, I deglazed the pan with some Ponti dry vermouth (like $5 at Trader Joe's, and no, it's not really drinkable). I broke three eggs in a bowl, put the specified amount of milk in, salted it, then mixed in my onions, sage, and cheese. I've always just mixed egg additions in in the pan, but Joy said to do it beforehand. I also used the specified tbsp and a half of butter, which even I, lover of fat and fried food, thought was a lot, but holy shit, it makes for good eggs. I've been missing the butter all along.

I'm kind of proud of myself for making up a tasty egg combination (and finally figuring out how to make scrambled eggs taste good at home). If you like eggs you can go and copy it and have a happy meal for yourself.